I run into my neighbour I have seen only about 4 times in the last one and half years that I have lived there. I smile, nod to acknowledge his existence. But I cannot chit-chat to ask him how he is doing, how his wife and daughter are and in general express any interest in his life/work as I know nothing about it and with each passing year am losing the drive to even socialise with new people.
This unwillingness to do small talk has been there from when I was young. But of course, as a child/teen you do not over-analyse and you just genuinely interact with people you like and in school and college days - there never was a dearth of people whom you genuinely liked. It is not that I am shy or lacking in confidence, it is the notion in my head that talking about something that doesn't interest me is fake and hence I do not seem to want to indulge in it. But this missing art of small talking is affecting my professional and personal life now. I am perceived as being aloof, too serious, no nonsense kind of person when in reality I would like to believe I am fun loving,extrovert-ish and entertaining person to be with.
Also, another added dimension to my list of woes is the typical "foot in mouth" syndrome.Even at times when I am being all social, I mostly have a moment when I say something and it comes out all wrong. There is an awkward silence and usually I cannot salvage the situation.It is entertaining with friends/family as they know you mean no harm but with strangers in small talk , this can be terribly off-putting.
I once told an acquaintance at work that I want to walk with him on a lonely road! All I meant was there is too much traffic on this street, let us instead walk on a quieter next street.But it came out all wrong and was horribly embarrassed when I saw him squirm at my supposed "pass at him".
What I’ve learned is that I need to trust that others will ask me to clarify what I meant if they took it negatively. I should hope they will consider my character and intent. I should also remember to pause before I speak to think of what I want to say.
This unwillingness to do small talk has been there from when I was young. But of course, as a child/teen you do not over-analyse and you just genuinely interact with people you like and in school and college days - there never was a dearth of people whom you genuinely liked. It is not that I am shy or lacking in confidence, it is the notion in my head that talking about something that doesn't interest me is fake and hence I do not seem to want to indulge in it. But this missing art of small talking is affecting my professional and personal life now. I am perceived as being aloof, too serious, no nonsense kind of person when in reality I would like to believe I am fun loving,extrovert-ish and entertaining person to be with.
Also, another added dimension to my list of woes is the typical "foot in mouth" syndrome.Even at times when I am being all social, I mostly have a moment when I say something and it comes out all wrong. There is an awkward silence and usually I cannot salvage the situation.It is entertaining with friends/family as they know you mean no harm but with strangers in small talk , this can be terribly off-putting.
I once told an acquaintance at work that I want to walk with him on a lonely road! All I meant was there is too much traffic on this street, let us instead walk on a quieter next street.But it came out all wrong and was horribly embarrassed when I saw him squirm at my supposed "pass at him".
What I’ve learned is that I need to trust that others will ask me to clarify what I meant if they took it negatively. I should hope they will consider my character and intent. I should also remember to pause before I speak to think of what I want to say.
2 comments:
Lol! I can empathise with your foot-in-mouth syndrome :)
That apart, I totally agree about the small-talk feeling fake. You do that just to socialise a bit at work and depending on the person you're talking to, it can be horribly imbalanced. You/they could either be listening to tales for long, or the conversation could be filled with awkward silences each time you run out of something to say and it's not soon enough to say, "Right then, nice talking to you, see you around" :)
Having said that, I think a life-lesson is to genuinely be interested, or atleast, well, interested in giving a listening ear. Make them comfortable to talk to you, ask the right questions and it won't feel like small talk. I aim to do this but I always forget :)
PS. This word verification is really tough man! I refresh about 20 times before I can understand the words!
Yup! I will try it more.. but i know so many people who do this small talk so effortlessly.
Sigh.. I envy them!:P
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