The Art of small talking!

I run into my neighbour I have seen only about 4 times in the last one and half years that I have lived there. I smile, nod to acknowledge his existence. But I cannot chit-chat to ask him how he is doing, how his wife and daughter are and in general express any interest in his life/work as I know nothing about it and with each passing year am losing the drive to even socialise with new people.

This unwillingness to do small talk has been there from when I was young. But of course, as a child/teen you do not over-analyse and you just genuinely interact with people you like and in school and college days - there never was a dearth of people whom you genuinely liked. It is not that I am shy or lacking in confidence, it is the notion in my head that talking about something that doesn't interest me is fake and hence I do not seem to want to indulge in it. But this missing art of small talking is affecting my professional and personal life now. I am perceived as being aloof, too serious, no nonsense kind of person when in reality I would like to believe I am fun loving,extrovert-ish and entertaining person to be with.

Also, another added dimension to my list of woes is the typical "foot in mouth" syndrome.Even at times when I am being all social, I mostly have a moment when I say something and it comes out all wrong. There is an awkward silence and usually I cannot salvage the situation.It is entertaining with friends/family as they know you mean no harm but with strangers in small talk , this can be terribly off-putting.

I once told an acquaintance at work that I want to walk with him on a lonely road! All I meant was there is too much traffic on this street, let us instead walk on a quieter next street.But it came out all wrong and was horribly embarrassed when I saw him squirm at my supposed "pass at him".

What I’ve learned is that I need to trust that others will ask me to clarify what I meant if they took it negatively. I should hope they will consider my character and intent. I should also remember to pause before I speak to think of what I want to say.

Being Boring

Recently was going through my statuses in facebook and found a reference to the following poem :

Being boring - Wendy Cope

If you ask me “What’s new?” I have nothing to say
Except that the garden is growing.
I had a slight cold but it’s better today.
I’m content with the way things are going.
Yes, he is the same as he usually is,
Still eating and sleeping and snoring.
I get on with my work. He gets on with his.
I know this is all very boring.

There was drama enough in my turbulent past:
Tears and passion—I’ve used up a tankful.
No news is good news, and long may it last,
If nothing much happens, I’m thankful.
A happier cabbage you never did see,
My vegetable spirits are soaring.
If you’re after excitement, steer well clear of me.
I want to go on being boring.

I don’t go to parties. Well, what are they for,
If you don’t need to find a new lover?
You drink and you listen and drink a bit more
And you take the next day to recover.
Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring,
I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.

I thought back in 2008 that this poem truly captures my sentiments. Now, a few years wiser I relate to it even more. I love the first stanza. What with my only passion nowadays being a kitchen garden in a few pots, this succintly captures my response to whats new!

Interpretation of Dreams

I have always been a dawn-dreamer and I usually wake up with an intact memory of the dreams. Sometimes I see multiple ones - all tied together to the sleepy head - but suddenly when I wake up and they don't seem so related. I have a whole repertoire of them - scary, funny , practical , spiritual , professional - but one common feature is that they are narcissistic in nature.The entire plot revolves around me and I am usually the narrator.

Two days ago, I bought a piece of land and I cultivated a pumpkin patch. Last night I had a conversation with my grandmom on life after death. I have been in competitions ( yes.. the reality show types ) where my knowledge and skills help me survive for another week. I am a student back in school, struggling to submit a paper on Indian economy in Hindi. Am an actor playing both the parts of Dhritarashtra and Kunti ( Am aware I am a female lead even in my dreams. I play Dhritarashtra because the actor who was playing him was a pathetic actor). Have directed Ice age 3 where my assistants get me ground nuts instead of a cutout of the acron.

"Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy” said Sigmund Freud . I wonder if mine have some profound meaning.

Endorsement for one of my favourite authors!

I recently read Vikram Seth's "From Heaven's Lake - Travels through Sinkiang and Tibet" and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Being an ardent fan of his, it is natural for me to go ga-ga over any book of his ,but I intend to also explain why I liked this book!

Seth was a Stanford exchange student in Nanjing University when he wrote this book (1983) and the origins of his unconventional journey back to his home in Delhi for the summer vacation was a rather impromptu one – when he, tired of the limiting insights through a conducted tour, broke away from the school party to undertake this extraordinary detour on his own. It is From Heaven's Lake which is a pristine lake in North western province of Sinkiang  that Seth, deserting his school troop, retraces his path all the way back to Nanjing and then to Beijing in eastern China in order to obtain his passport, money, and a Nepalese Visa (which he didn’t eventually need, being an Indian citizen), thus completing a circuitous loop all the way back to Liuyuan, from where he continues further south to Lhasa, then Kathmandu and home to Delhi.

This book is delightful-for there are charming observations and also (as any good travellogue should) gives the reader a beautiful account of the places visited.I particularly like the descriptions of Potola -seat of Tibetian Buddhism and of Lhasa.He devotes a chapter to how the Tibetians deal with their dead which was informative. His interactions with Chinese and Tibetians - Norbu and Sui are particularly engaging. The various modes of transport and the uncertatinity of his next meal/destination adds a certain thrill to the book. In parts he compares life in China with that of India and he too like Pallavi Iyer in 'Smokes and Mirrors' gives the answer that if he were poor he would like to be in China, but if he were well off or even the middle class he prefers to be in India.

From the author of "A Suitable Boy" ,"An Equal Music" and "Two Lives" , this is yet another memorable book although it is of a different genre.