Disclaimer: This post is going to a rant! You can stop reading now if do not wish to hear me complain and then contemplate on it.
How many times has someone been condescending towards you or even said something to you that didn't go down well with you? Are you the kind of person who stands up and tells a person that you didn't like what they said? Or are you the silent sufferer who can't let it go but can't tell the person you have a problem either? I do a little bit of both and find that neither is helpful. Over time this translates into an excel in my head with a list of grudges against people. What is frustrating is I cannot let go. Every time I think about these incidents I get angry mainly at myself that it still affects me so much.
How does one let go? How does one forgive when you haven't been apologized to? How do you ask for an apology from a person who doesn't even know he has hurt you? I lose respect for people and trust me it is very difficult for my excel to get updated with renewed respect.
The solution, as my hubby says, is to not think about these things at all. But I ain't wired that way and need an outlet to let things go. Ranting helps a little but it isn't enough to just reset the excel in my head and start afresh.
How many times has someone been condescending towards you or even said something to you that didn't go down well with you? Are you the kind of person who stands up and tells a person that you didn't like what they said? Or are you the silent sufferer who can't let it go but can't tell the person you have a problem either? I do a little bit of both and find that neither is helpful. Over time this translates into an excel in my head with a list of grudges against people. What is frustrating is I cannot let go. Every time I think about these incidents I get angry mainly at myself that it still affects me so much.
How does one let go? How does one forgive when you haven't been apologized to? How do you ask for an apology from a person who doesn't even know he has hurt you? I lose respect for people and trust me it is very difficult for my excel to get updated with renewed respect.
The solution, as my hubby says, is to not think about these things at all. But I ain't wired that way and need an outlet to let things go. Ranting helps a little but it isn't enough to just reset the excel in my head and start afresh.
3 comments:
Echoed my thoughts.. I hold grudges for exactly the same kind of events. Soul sister :P
I am the 'silent sufferer' in most cases. Mostly because either I realize only in retrospect that what the other person said was demeaning, or I can't think of something quick enough. In the rare cases that I've said something back, I spend hours obsessing that maybe I was too rude. Either way I regret my actions :P
And yes, I cannot let go too, and for me it brings me one step further apart from the person. I can understand they may not have had malice in their mind, but that doesn't excuse it in my head.
I think if the person really matters in your life, the only way about fixing it is to have an honest conversation about what bothers you, else avoid this kind of person. One less thing in life to deal with.
Sometimes I wonder do I hold grudges because I cannot handle criticism?
Am pretty sure this excessive obsessing about such incidents over time will have an adverse health effect.
But I agree with you. I tend to avoid this kind of person too.
Yes, I agree with that too! Obsessing about it will harm no one but ourselves. I'm sure deep down you and I understand that it's not the right thing to do (obsessing), but unfortunately the feeling of having been 'wronged' overpowers that.
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