B'day Ruminations!

 "Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be; that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing." - Seinfeld

Here is my analysis of "me" this year -

• Am a lot more dependent on others than I would like to be.
• I love "solitary time" - a day or two in a month.
• I prefer brunches to late night parties.
• I like writing - more than I thought I liked initially.
• I am now officially a red-wine gal.
• I hate nagging, my hubby forces me to - but I do not enjoy it.
• I day-dream a lot - could be in front of you, nodding my head, but not registering a word you say!
• Love the idea of travel more than the travel itself.
• Live my life loving the retrospect and not usually liking the present!
• My rate of hoarding books far exceeds the pace of my reading.
• Love the lazy sunday afternoon introspection time - lying in bed with a book but not really reading, but pondering about life in general before falling into a nice slumber. 
• I love talking about myself/my life more than anything else.

'From the Eye of my mind'

'From the eye of my mind' by TGC Prasad is a book with the protagonist being an 18 year old autistic girl. It is a charming story of love,acceptance and of a beautiful mind.Reading a book like this does make one question one s problem in the scheme of things in the world. I wonder if I can remember every time I am angry, this lesson of acceptance and adapting to the loved ones around you.

I recently attended the India Inclusion Summit held in Bangalore and was moved by the speeches by some eminent personalities. Kaushik Roy,an advertising professional spoke about his movie 'Apna Aasman' and how he came to terms with his son being special. I watched the full movie recently and it is beautiful. Movies like this and books like 'From the eye of my mind' are very important to spread awareness about Autism and will go a long way in ensuring social acceptance for the special kids and their families.

Read the book, watch the movie and spread the awareness. Come on do your bit!

Insignifia!

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar.

Even after supposedly being settled in life, I still am clueless about what I want from life and have many of the figs that Slyvia Plath talks about.Also with each passing year they are withering away. As a child I wanted to be a psychiatrist and I recall having written a poem about it in class 7.Then later an uncle, who is an astrologer, told me I'll make a good lawyer after seeing my horoscope.I decided then if my stars have destined me to be a lawyer I should try to become one. AllyMcBeal , the show about a corporate lawyer further fuelled this dream.And then came class 12 and I ended up taking exams for many streams -law,engineering,arts,management . After this I guess I stopped worrying about what I want and went with the flow and here I am now a software engineer, not sure if this was even a fig that I wanted.

I am always in a dilemma whether letting things be and going with the flow is a sign of mediocrity-settling for the 'ordinary' or is this what people call stability and inner peace? I can't say I have a burning ambition to be extraordinary, but if I did have some such skills now would be a good time to know it:)

On-site @ home

I often feel like being alone and have been a "non-implementer preacher of the ME time". I crave for some time alone but the me time in practice is less intriguing than the idea of it. Its fun to have me time when you know company is just across the hall or a room away.

This month for me is a time to test my theory and decide once and for all whether I am a comfortable introvert who can spend time with oneself and still enjoy it or am I always craving for company? My hubby isn't in the country nor are my parents and I have decided to spend a month alone and decide whether I like it or not. I intend to consider it as an on-site trip at home!

I took a quiz to find out if I am actually craving for some me time and here s what I found :

You are on the edge of overwhelm

You are skirting on the edge of overwhelm but it's not too late to bring balance into your life. Rearrange some of the items on your calendar to give yourself some breathing room. Bring in some ‘prairie’ where there are currently ‘city streets’

Note to self : I am gonna be spending a lot of time with you. You had better be fun! :)

Of personal spaces

From when I have been married I have always wondered what the protocol of the spouse with one s friends should be. Is it considered acceptable to take your spouse along when you meet friends or is it something one is supposed to clear with the friends first?

Some of my friends now are actually my hubby's. But even saying that I know that there are some friends of my hubby's whom I don't know that well and am never sure if joining my hubby while meeting them is a good idea or not.

Where do you draw the line between socializing versus intruding the spouse's personal rapport with friends?

Cuckold ('ka-culled')

I recently read Cuckold by Kiran Nagarkar and only just found out it means ' husband of an unfaithful wife' and also that it is pronounced 'ka-culled' and not 'cook-cold' .

I heard of Kiran Nagarkar when he had come to the book club in office to promote his new book The Extras.I have read his other books Ravan and Eddie and The Extras. Although the other books were good , Cuckold is clearly his best work.

There are numerous quotes in the book that are memorable and one of my favorite is the following :
' We were newly married, both madly in love, me with her and she with someone else '.

The book tracks the story of Bhoj Raj,the Maharaj Kumar , the heir apparent to throne of Chitoor and his travails in securing the throne as well as the dilemma in being married to the little saint, Meerabai.

Defining the genre of this book is difficult . It is a good mix of history, fiction, war, philosophy and this is the reason why this book is so intriguing.
Read it if you get a chance!

'Missing sweet tooth'

Cooking is interesting for me only when I like to eat the dish I make. I feel no motivation to make things for others , if the dish is something I don't particularly care to eat. As I type this , I squirm knowing how selfish it sounds. But the truth is that the motivation for my cooking isn't love for another person, more a sense of anticipation for eating what I like.

Am not particularly fond of sweets and I find them laborious to make  compared to savory dishes and hence can never feel motivated enough to want to make them. As fate would have it, my hubby's family thrives on sweets and somehow can't get myself to share the enthusiasm for making or eating sweets with them.

Should I be making an attempt to learn to make sweets for my hubby or should I just be telling him as an equal partner ' I don't particularly care for it but still summoning all my love for you...I will join you in your attempts in the kitchen '?