Of personal spaces

From when I have been married I have always wondered what the protocol of the spouse with one s friends should be. Is it considered acceptable to take your spouse along when you meet friends or is it something one is supposed to clear with the friends first?

Some of my friends now are actually my hubby's. But even saying that I know that there are some friends of my hubby's whom I don't know that well and am never sure if joining my hubby while meeting them is a good idea or not.

Where do you draw the line between socializing versus intruding the spouse's personal rapport with friends?

Cuckold ('ka-culled')

I recently read Cuckold by Kiran Nagarkar and only just found out it means ' husband of an unfaithful wife' and also that it is pronounced 'ka-culled' and not 'cook-cold' .

I heard of Kiran Nagarkar when he had come to the book club in office to promote his new book The Extras.I have read his other books Ravan and Eddie and The Extras. Although the other books were good , Cuckold is clearly his best work.

There are numerous quotes in the book that are memorable and one of my favorite is the following :
' We were newly married, both madly in love, me with her and she with someone else '.

The book tracks the story of Bhoj Raj,the Maharaj Kumar , the heir apparent to throne of Chitoor and his travails in securing the throne as well as the dilemma in being married to the little saint, Meerabai.

Defining the genre of this book is difficult . It is a good mix of history, fiction, war, philosophy and this is the reason why this book is so intriguing.
Read it if you get a chance!

'Missing sweet tooth'

Cooking is interesting for me only when I like to eat the dish I make. I feel no motivation to make things for others , if the dish is something I don't particularly care to eat. As I type this , I squirm knowing how selfish it sounds. But the truth is that the motivation for my cooking isn't love for another person, more a sense of anticipation for eating what I like.

Am not particularly fond of sweets and I find them laborious to make  compared to savory dishes and hence can never feel motivated enough to want to make them. As fate would have it, my hubby's family thrives on sweets and somehow can't get myself to share the enthusiasm for making or eating sweets with them.

Should I be making an attempt to learn to make sweets for my hubby or should I just be telling him as an equal partner ' I don't particularly care for it but still summoning all my love for you...I will join you in your attempts in the kitchen '?

Wanderlust

Sometimes I feel like I am bitten by the wander-bug and feel an urgent sense to travel - take a vacation, go sightseeing, do all the regular touristy stuff. But at other times I do feel travel is overrated thing.Since it has become so common and what with people putting up pics of every damn vacation they take in their best costumes and the best smiles - I have grown disenchanted with the whole travel thing.It seems like the aim of a vacation is to let the world know you are cool and do "cool" stuff than really enjoying the break.

Maybe I am cynical - even jealous that I don't do any of the cool stuff. But all that I ever seem to want on long weekends is to stay home, snuggle up in bed with a nice book , eat good food and sleep for hours.If a holiday entails doing all this with an infinity pool and mountains surrounding you , then why not... sounds like a perfect fit!

So hubby are you reading this? Take me on a vacation soon with the infinity pool, great food and mountains!

The Art of small talking!

I run into my neighbour I have seen only about 4 times in the last one and half years that I have lived there. I smile, nod to acknowledge his existence. But I cannot chit-chat to ask him how he is doing, how his wife and daughter are and in general express any interest in his life/work as I know nothing about it and with each passing year am losing the drive to even socialise with new people.

This unwillingness to do small talk has been there from when I was young. But of course, as a child/teen you do not over-analyse and you just genuinely interact with people you like and in school and college days - there never was a dearth of people whom you genuinely liked. It is not that I am shy or lacking in confidence, it is the notion in my head that talking about something that doesn't interest me is fake and hence I do not seem to want to indulge in it. But this missing art of small talking is affecting my professional and personal life now. I am perceived as being aloof, too serious, no nonsense kind of person when in reality I would like to believe I am fun loving,extrovert-ish and entertaining person to be with.

Also, another added dimension to my list of woes is the typical "foot in mouth" syndrome.Even at times when I am being all social, I mostly have a moment when I say something and it comes out all wrong. There is an awkward silence and usually I cannot salvage the situation.It is entertaining with friends/family as they know you mean no harm but with strangers in small talk , this can be terribly off-putting.

I once told an acquaintance at work that I want to walk with him on a lonely road! All I meant was there is too much traffic on this street, let us instead walk on a quieter next street.But it came out all wrong and was horribly embarrassed when I saw him squirm at my supposed "pass at him".

What I’ve learned is that I need to trust that others will ask me to clarify what I meant if they took it negatively. I should hope they will consider my character and intent. I should also remember to pause before I speak to think of what I want to say.

Being Boring

Recently was going through my statuses in facebook and found a reference to the following poem :

Being boring - Wendy Cope

If you ask me “What’s new?” I have nothing to say
Except that the garden is growing.
I had a slight cold but it’s better today.
I’m content with the way things are going.
Yes, he is the same as he usually is,
Still eating and sleeping and snoring.
I get on with my work. He gets on with his.
I know this is all very boring.

There was drama enough in my turbulent past:
Tears and passion—I’ve used up a tankful.
No news is good news, and long may it last,
If nothing much happens, I’m thankful.
A happier cabbage you never did see,
My vegetable spirits are soaring.
If you’re after excitement, steer well clear of me.
I want to go on being boring.

I don’t go to parties. Well, what are they for,
If you don’t need to find a new lover?
You drink and you listen and drink a bit more
And you take the next day to recover.
Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring,
I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.

I thought back in 2008 that this poem truly captures my sentiments. Now, a few years wiser I relate to it even more. I love the first stanza. What with my only passion nowadays being a kitchen garden in a few pots, this succintly captures my response to whats new!

Interpretation of Dreams

I have always been a dawn-dreamer and I usually wake up with an intact memory of the dreams. Sometimes I see multiple ones - all tied together to the sleepy head - but suddenly when I wake up and they don't seem so related. I have a whole repertoire of them - scary, funny , practical , spiritual , professional - but one common feature is that they are narcissistic in nature.The entire plot revolves around me and I am usually the narrator.

Two days ago, I bought a piece of land and I cultivated a pumpkin patch. Last night I had a conversation with my grandmom on life after death. I have been in competitions ( yes.. the reality show types ) where my knowledge and skills help me survive for another week. I am a student back in school, struggling to submit a paper on Indian economy in Hindi. Am an actor playing both the parts of Dhritarashtra and Kunti ( Am aware I am a female lead even in my dreams. I play Dhritarashtra because the actor who was playing him was a pathetic actor). Have directed Ice age 3 where my assistants get me ground nuts instead of a cutout of the acron.

"Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy” said Sigmund Freud . I wonder if mine have some profound meaning.